I was talking with my younger brother in law. He’s a sharp one, and very blunt. I like that in our conversations, we started talking about relationships, and people in them. Not specifics, just relationships in general. We both started to talk along the same lines. How do you know your ‘other’, heck why start that far a head, how do you know when you know yourself?
There are so many people who started off the dating cycle with the attitude that I must present only the great parts of me. I need to catch this person; I need ‘get’ him or her. I’m not saying that people should just say ‘hi nice to meet you’, and then verbally vomit all the horrific tales of their life, shortcomings, or personality, on say, the first date. (Or even the second or third dates...) But be honest, and don't lie to yourself or them. It’s so weird I’ve watched, and studied relationships; it’s very interesting how people will try to find the balance of Too Much Information...
There are some people how get caught up in the rush of emotion, that feel so strongly that they forget it’s about learning, about finding each other, finding yourself and if you are compatible. I don’t know how so many people I know or don’t know, they just wake up one day and don’t know who they are married too... they didn’t expect it and they didn’t’ figure it would ever be the way it is now. And they don't know what to do about it. I mean I know of a couple where after the wedding everything changed, there was a 180° change... it’s scary. How can someone hide so much...?
Why would they hide it? You see it could be that they just didn’t know themselves, and that is a tragedy all it’s own. But I’ve seen someone change (for their other) and then talk about how they were before the dating, the engagement, before the wedding, and they appeared to change just for the ‘sake’ of the other person. “If I don’t show you how I really am then you’ll like me... and then once were married I’ll change (back) and you’ll love me so you’ll accept it...” It’s kind of cruel. But they don’t see it that way. They might think that is how it's supposed to be, they might not know that they are doing it... I mean that’s for those who know themselves...
For those who don’t know them selves and just seem to change, it’s not so cruel, it’s not so obvious. They only thing to say to that is just to get to know you. It’s hard to be two pieces of a whole when one person isn’t sure of who they are. I believe that you can’t love anyone until you A) realize God’s love for you and B) You can Love yourself... and of course to love yourself you need to know yourself.
What time in life, when can you say that you knew who you were? How do you know that, that’s it? Is it that there is no more to you? Are you prepared to share and grow and become different? No one is the same forever, and people say it, heck I say it, that I know myself, except that things change, and change you. You might not even know it. God is continually working on everyone. You may have a personality type, you may be a certain temperament; but that isn’t final.
It’s not about knowing you finitely, but knowing you and how you change. It’s about knowing you and how you relate to others... it’s that what marriage is... it’s relating on every level.
It’s about knowing yourself. Not for anyone else. About knowing you so that you can grow. You can work on the things you need to work on. To be able to get past things that hurt you, why they hurt, and coming to resolution. About growing and loving and being what and whom God wants you to be...
And on that note I’ll stop my ramblings. And continue with my day...
