I think there is more to life

My Favorite season is Fall... and this Fall started out beyond miserable.
After finding out we were pregnant, we found out it was tubal... devastated is the word I would use.

But since then, since September, life has become normal again. Only it was never normal. So this is an interesting place to be in. I am feeling better, much better. I feel rejuvenated, alive and I'm not nearly as stressed as I was before the whole baby thing. There was a time in my life, most of last school year where I was feeling nothing but defeated, or worse... just nothing. I wanted my days to end... and then when a new day would begin I couldn't wait for it to end... there was little drive...

Surprisingly enough, and I thank the lord for this, David and I had what I would say as our strongest year. I can't even imagine what life would have been like without him.

With all that said,

Most of my feelings have gotten into a weird busyness. I'm actively involved at church, and feeling fed through it all - I'm not just giving, giving, giving, I'm getting... I'm learning and growing. Its very different.

At home I'm working more on the CLUTTER... it's killing me, but i'm learning to let go of most of my bits and pieces. This is helping my mind - I'm not stressed as much.

And as for work - I'm looking and not finding - but I'm OK with that. David and I are going to be OK. I will be volunteering at CCA, which is so great - I thought I wanted out of there... but It wasn't the place - it was my attitude. I miss the kids, and I miss my co-workers. I'll be able to tutor some kids from there - and that might lead to a part time job.

Spiritually speaking - I feel connected.. I feel like my soul is feeding on so many different things. God has just enclosed me in his hands. I feel protected, loved and even hopeful about so many things - Children, my life, my marriage... everything. It's refreshing to not feel so exhausted at the end of the day, I'm just tired now - like normal people.

My next phase o life is the healthy side. I'll be making sure that in three months when we can 'try' again, I'll be fit, and ready - un stressed, emotionally ready, and physically able to carry.

So That's where I'm at today.
we'll see how it goes from here... Always Hopeful....

Ups and Downs

I'm in a weird place. I"m so excited and happy beyond words, but at the same time - saddened at a reality that would be more than realistic. I am believeing God... for a miracle, for more than 50/50... but God is soverign, and His will is perfect... I will Praise him in the morning, at dawns brightest moment, and in the evenign - as the night gets darker.

Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be Your name

When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

...

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

Amen.

Camping.. or not Camping that is the question...

Annual, which means every year, well this year it almost didn't - isn't going to happen.
I'm sad. not upset in a mad way - but FRIG i wish it would work out.

A small group of University friends and I, we started a camping trip. We always said we would go, every summer - a different province, a different camp site. Well this year - do to many reasons - one being the price of gas - argh - we are down from a possible 6 groups to 2. It's one of those things where you wish you could make all the reasons go away... but you can't. I wish everyone lived really close, that all the cars we all own would never break down...

Instead it will be Ev'y and Us. Doesn't it sound Thrilling (nothing against Ev'y). but we've changed our plans a little, changed our location - doing a few more sight seeing things - campfires by the ocean. Maybe see if my little brother wants to tag along etc.

I'm excited to go - even though it's just a small crowd... it'll be fun!

Albums, Albums everywhere and not a drop to drink (cause I'm trying to have babies...)

So in the last two days i've been able to help out my dear friends the Yorkes. I enjoy them throughly... and even though my time with Chera is spent organizing photos and ATGing them in place, I still enjoy that time!

I don't get to see Matt and Chera, or Chat and Mera (as I have said many a time) through out the school year, since they are in school, and I am not. So it's very nice to see them on summer holidays.

that was most of my day today.

Before the pictures, I was out to lunch (aha) with a good friend Natasha, and I just think I'm so blessed to have the friends I do...


I wish I could see my oher friends as much... sigh.

meh I'm not sure there was a point to this - but i'll pretend I had one when starting...

Meetings and More Meetings

It was a long day - i spent 4 hours at the church today - It was long, but not tiring. However, here I sit and my mind is drained... I have nothign to say - and yet I write.

I had coffee with a dear friend the other day - I really miss her - I'm glad she is moving closer, but saddened that so many moments are lost... for an entire period of my life I spent being too proud to go back, too hurt to trust, and too hardened to try... But that was then, and this is now.. I'm so thankful for Now.

God is good! I have today.

I'm such a SLACKER

Would you believe that the evil forces of Facebook were preventing me from updating?
No, not so much, huh?

It's true Shannon fashion to neglect the blog - I also neglect my journals, writing consistently until one day I'm not so consistent. I'm sure it's something Ill grow out of... when I err, grow up, err, more?

There is a lot I that i could catch up on, but I can't recall any of it right now - so maybe, just maybe, if I pick up the blogging thing with some sort of effort, I'll be able to remember and write it all down.

The big thing is that I'm not working at CCA anymore. I resigned (well I chose to not continue, and finished my contract) for a few reasons, but the biggest was the emotional side of life. Some things were getting to hard to hear from the children, and I wanted to leave before I became bitter. SO I left. It was really really hard. I do take so relief in the fact that David and I have felt God was taking my 'career' in a different directions, So leaving was a step in the right direction. I'm still looking for a job - I've applied at my Church, which would be amazing! I pray that this is where God was/is leading.

Umm What else... Oh as I write this I'm in Ev'y's living room. We got together last night with Melanie Pitman and Holly Blunden, and did dinner - at 10pm - ouch my tummy. To celebrate Ev'y's 25th!! I crashed on her couch and was up before the sun (which is not as exciting as it doesn't sound). Today the plan is to go see baby Mikaelia (did I spell that right?) Blunden... and then head home...

And now I will leave you, and try to figure out the TV remote... these new fangled things.

where I'm at

I need to be able to process through the reality that God may not grant us children.

I know that I say I’m working through it, and that I’m content with where I am – but that, like the stomach flu, passes by… and then at 11 o’clock at night when my husband is sleeping soundly, and my room is quiet and dark… I cry, I am saddened by the lack of options (the ones we can afford), I’m hurt by the fact the God isn’t blessing us in this way, I’m aching for the physical need to fulfill my biological purpose, and I’m morning the idea of motherhood.

And it’s all overwhelming.

30 before 30 - it's been 6 months...

30 before 30

1-Graduate from University (DONE)
2-Find a Job (DONE)
3-Paint a 'hangable' picture
4-Get Married (DONE)
5-Get Driver's Lic. (DONE)
6-Buy a house (DONE)
7-Pay off House
8-Have Kids
9-Pay off Student Loans
10-Read 'War and Peace'
11-Attend a ballet or opera
12-Knit a Blanket
13-Watch a Cirque performance
14-Get up and go on a Spontanious Road trip
15-Learn to Sew
16-Write a Collection of Poems (In process)
17-Have a Proper dinner party - fancy napkins and all
18-Travel over seas
19-Plant a garden (herb or veggie)
20-Hit my ideal weight, and stay there for a while
21-Take a personal vaction and Paint everyday, all day
22-Do Photography as more than a hobbie(DONE)
23-Spend a week on my Grandfather's farm, finding out my roots
24-Buy a new (to me) car (DONE)
25-Collect and organize a Photo Archive of my Family
26-Spend an Entire Day at a Spa
27-Buy something from a TV infomercial. (DONE)
28-Sell, donate, or get rid of all the stuff I have separated into piles to "sell," "donate," or "get rid of."
29-Go yardsale-ing and buy something incredibly hideous and display it in our Spare room Proudly!
30-Be a better Daughter, Sister, Wife, mother(hopefully),in-law, friend, Co-Worker.



3 more down!!! - now on to the paitning a hangable picture... or sorting my things in to three piles..