where I'm at

I need to be able to process through the reality that God may not grant us children.

I know that I say I’m working through it, and that I’m content with where I am – but that, like the stomach flu, passes by… and then at 11 o’clock at night when my husband is sleeping soundly, and my room is quiet and dark… I cry, I am saddened by the lack of options (the ones we can afford), I’m hurt by the fact the God isn’t blessing us in this way, I’m aching for the physical need to fulfill my biological purpose, and I’m morning the idea of motherhood.

And it’s all overwhelming.