After finding out we were pregnant, we found out it was tubal... devastated is the word I would use.
But since then, since September, life has become normal again. Only it was never normal. So this is an interesting place to be in. I am feeling better, much better. I feel rejuvenated, alive and I'm not nearly as stressed as I was before the whole baby thing. There was a time in my life, most of last school year where I was feeling nothing but defeated, or worse... just nothing. I wanted my days to end... and then when a new day would begin I couldn't wait for it to end... there was little drive...
Surprisingly enough, and I thank the lord for this, David and I had what I would say as our strongest year. I can't even imagine what life would have been like without him.
With all that said,
Most of my feelings
At home I'm working more on the CLUTTER... it's killing me, but i'm learning to let go of most of my bits and pieces. This is helping my mind - I'm not stressed as much.
And as for work - I'm looking and not finding - but I'm OK with that. David and I are going to be OK. I will be volunteering at CCA, which is so great - I thought I wanted out of there... but It wasn't the place - it was my attitude. I miss the kids, and I miss my co-workers. I'll be able to tutor some kids from there - and that might lead to a part time job.
Spiritually speaking - I feel connected.. I feel like my soul is feeding on so many different things. God has just enclosed me in his hands. I feel protected, loved and even hopeful about so many things - Children, my life, my marriage... everything. It's refreshing to not feel so exhausted at the end of the day, I'm just tired now - like normal people.
My next phase o life is the healthy side. I'll be making sure that in three months when we can 'try' again, I'll be fit, and ready - un stressed, emotionally ready, and physically able to carry.
So That's where I'm at today.
we'll see how it goes from here... Always Hopeful....
