Argh

I woke up this morning dreading the day, I was nervous and scared.. what If I got news I didn’t want to hear… or worse couldn’t handle… How would I get through the day, the week…

I prayed continuously, that I would be able to accept what ever information I was told, I worked out every possible situation from tears and convulsing heaves, to joyful screams of Amen, and none of it was what I went through…

In fact I didn’t even get a chance for any of it. I spent 2 hours staring at a wall... And at 12:55 I had to reschedule… I needed to get back to work. If I had known that it was going to need to be an all day appointment – I would have worked that out, but I was told an hour, so I booked off an hour and a half, just in case… so after one hour of waiting – I was called into the nurses room and asked personal medical history, and then sent back out to wait… It was almost painful.

At 12:55 I had to leave, I almost cried, I had waited for this, and nothing. A complete waste of time.

I know most of you are thinking – big whoop, it was just a doctors appointment... ... ... ..

Only it’s a HUGE deal, now because I couldn't get in to see my Dr. I might have to get back on the pills I’m trying desperately to avoid, I might have to rearrange my habits, and put on hold family plans… which may not seem so bad except the longer I wait to try for a family the higher my chances of miscarriage, late pregnancy miscarriage, and even sterility.. So you see.. it is a big deal, a very big deal.. and not just for me – for David – all of this is my fault –and now that I’ve been delayed in this area, I feel like I’m taking a chance from David….

so that was my day… and I wish it would end… Tomorrow can’t come sooner.