I really want to do soemthing exciting!!

I'm sitting here, on my couch - Browsing FaceBook, checking the emails, replying to said emails, updating the blogs, and of course, playing FarmVille.

I have thing I do, things that keep me busy, but I really really want to do something fun, like a Road trip, or camping, or heck a bonfire on the beach - something out of the ordinary...

At the gym

It's been a hard few weeks... I've been working out crazy hard, and I Love it!

Going to the gym is hard, but it's fun. (Could I say HArd more?) Robin and I go 4 times a week, we've got a goal challenge-y type thing. We've set and 8 week goal, and have broken it down into 1 week increments. My overall goal was 12 lb. that's 1.5 lbs a week. It means stepping up the Cardio, and cutting the calories.

the first I can do, I'm at 20ish minutes as a warm up, and now I just tack on 20 at the end. The second, well, it's tough. Like today, I worked out this morning, had a small bowl of granola, and for lunch a turkey and cheese sandwich (no spreads etc.) and for dinner Leftovers. Oh and 3 cups of tea with honey. I can guesstimate my total Caloric intake was... 2200... it's not good - Its better than before - but I'm STARVING... I just want to eat... it's killing me...

I'm thinking that I'd like to go more, but it's hard finding the time. I think I'll go in and do more cardio than I'm doing now.

Sigh - off to find recipes that are crazy low in Calories...

First day of working out.

I met with my 'trainer', the first session is free - it helped so that I don't kill myself when I work out! I have a goal of 25-30lbs but end or June. Preferably by my Anniversary! (June 18th).

It's an obtainable goal, so I'm excited to really get going. It'll mean working out - right now I'm planning 3-4 times a week - and I'll have to watch what I eat. That will be tough - I don't eat unhealthy food - but I do need to watch my portion sizes... I've been eating like David - - I really really really need to stop that. Also the binges - - really eating 4 chocolate bars at a time - even if it's only every 6 weeks - STILL BAD... sigh...

It's not going to be easy... Going to the gym... it was really tough, but fun. Hopefully I'll get to the place where it's not a HAVE to but a WANT to...

Working towards Working out

So today I was thinking - Man I miss the working out I've done in the past... and How I can't wait til Feb. 1st - I'm going to get a Gym Membership at one of the Gyms in town. Seriously, a Gym membership at a gym; what will they think of next?

I hope to lose 20ish pounds by June 18th weekend... Our anniversary... that's 4 months or 20 weeks. I figure 1 pound a weekish... that would be great.

Now I've tried the whole get fit thing before - but alone in my living room - it just doesn't work... I think it's the crying over how fat and unfit I am. I think that maybe the lack of space, but mostly the crying over my lack of self esteem... There is definitely the fact that I don't like to be alone when I do things like that... Alone can be very scary for a woman with past weight issues...

So we have talked about how fitness, and health is important. So I'm going to start going to the gym. I hope to make myself a little more healthy and a little less chubby. I'll still be a big girl, since I believe that skeletons are Not very Womanly. I think a woman's sensuality lays within her curves. I believe it's a defining gender thing - Womanly curves Not manly corners... etc. So I think I'll be a bit better at the self image thing, I'll be working at NOT falling into old habits. The goal isn't Skinny it's Healthy.

I'll not be alone. Robin, my dear friend, we'll be work out buddies! So that will fix the alone feeling. And once I'm in the habit, the groove I think I'll be 'able' to continue at the gym if Robin decides to do something else.

I'm excited for how a healthy lifestyle can change a lot in someone's life. I used to work out at ABU, it was a long long time ago, but I clearly remember LOVING it. I had energy, I had stamina... and I didn't have as many migraines. I had fun with it. I enjoyed it so much.

Choosing to get healthy, for my health, my self esteem, my body, my mind, my future.

So here's to getting the budget set in stone, and getting my membership... Hopefully it'll be fun!!

a simple debate... ahem, ahem....

I watched the movie, Expelled: No intelligence Allowed a while ago, and it was really eye opening - I had no idea that according to science only CERTAIN theories should be explored, forget in depth study... I write this now because I caught the end of a TV show that was discussing similar discussions....

I was watching a TV show about religion in school, and how as Christians we Evangelize... and how that American Civil Liberties Union / Group (or something like that) want to stop all possible Christianity in schools. It was about how anyone who believes in creation, or by proxy, Intelligent Design... they are stupid, and shouldn't' have any say in any way in the educational system. After all the educational system only works on FACT - did we forget that the educational system, when dealing with the formation of the world, and specifically, evolution (the Old World Theory), are running on a THEORY themselves? Why is one better than the other... why can one group force is in school... but another is called oppressive for even attempting to look into the theory.

I guess the Christians are to be offended, but not allowed to 'offend' back. I mean that as Christians we are to speak truth, in all areas of our lives... I don't think it would be healthy for a Christian school to NOT discuss all theories. I think our God is big enough to handle a discussion. I will teach my children about Intelligent design, but they will not be ignorant to the world, and their world's veiws... how else can they learn to LOVE people, even if they are different, think different... sorry I should say ESPECIALLY if they are different, and think differently.

I think all public schools should be open to discuss all theories - there is scientific evidence for both sides... evolution and Intelligent Design (which can lead to Creationism... or not... simply a Creator....)

Things to Blog...

Sigh, Tonight was small group - and there were so many things that God just reveled to me. to us as a group.

I am so blessed to have a group where I can come and be fed, and just be myself. WE share our thoughts, and there isn't one ringleader... it's just so good. God is So GOOD!

So - - I better get to bed - and hope the Migraine doesn't come back... Tomorrow is a visit with my Favorite-est Mother in Law!

The end of a week.. such a long week.

I guess if you can call 8 days a week, then it was very long.

So I stopped blogging, about the same time I stopped being able to breath well.. I focused on being with the kids when I had the energy, and that left me nothing for the evening... sounds like parenting... aha.

the last couple of days have been really good - the younger kids have been great, its the two older ones that are getting at each other.

One tries to get out of doing anything, and the other seems to mimic her mother... Sigh Pre-Teen girls. But over all they are all great kids.

David and I had a great week... and I can't wait till March for the Dykemans... I think David could handle a few more months between...

Day Three - we aren't Dead yet... It's really Day Four

so I'm off by half a day already... Today is Saturday and that's day four....

Here's how Day Three went...

Ahh Friday.... sigh and sigh again. I still haven't slept - well that's a lie, I got 3 hours. Yay for being a parent. Friday morning, well LATE Thursday night (actually) Danelia had a moment. A big moment... which caused her to need Luschka... who in turn would find me... There was a bug. Luschka and I think it was dream, Danelia was very sure it was a giant ladybug going to eat her... it came from the window and landed on her bed. Well that was a horrible thing for the dreamed up lady bug to do. We (Luschka, my very bestest helper-er ever!! and I) told her that Cats can eat bugs and probably did, even though it was giant; we remade the bed, just to make sure... and then I sat for about and hour rubbing her back while she calmed down and slept... sigh, I'm not the only one not sleeping.

We got up, and since I was a little sick, Danelia got to be my special helper and helped with Eric. She is a great big sister. Unless of course Eric is doing his own thing... then she's the boss... ahem.

We had a great day and went to pick up Luschka and Nikita and off on an adventure. We went GROCERY SHOPPING... yay.. ahem ahem... cough cough.

We had a list. We had a car. We had 2 small whippersnappers. We had a goal. We had an incident... (Dun Dun Dun Duuuuuuuu) (read as scary music)...

While in line at a store, I was paying, Luschka and Nikita were watching Eric, the cart, and my purse... and someone, who shall remain nameless, was standing close to the Candy bars.... tooooooo close....
I won't go into details, but we had to have a talk about touching, taking and unwrapping things that aren't ours, things that belong to the store, things that we didn't pay for. And because of the 'not nice' behavior, someone, who shall still remain nameless, lost dessert.

That said person, the nameless one, handled the discipline very well, no crying, no screaming... and was rewarded for her good behavior, but still lost Dessert... and even at dessert time she handled herself well... SUCH a good day. Sorta... in the end I'd say it was a success!?!

We slept.. we awoke and It's SATURDAY.

Ahhh Saturday...

David got up with the kids, so I could sleep in, and Luschka and Nikita slept in late. I made Pancakes... from a box... NEVER AGAIN... but spruced them up with white chocolate chips.
David and I cleaned up breakfast while Luschka hid in her room, and Nikita took the kids down stairs. It was great. David joined the downstairs crew, and I escaped to the shower... sigh...

Right now Luschka and I are hiding in the front room, and by hiding I mean, I'm typing she's reading over my shoulder, and correcting my spelling - -so if you notice the lack of Shannonese... (thign, nad, het, taht...) you can thank Luschka - while the playing continues down stairs...

Later we hope to be playing in the snow... and eventually sleeping... maybe.

Friday - Day Two... We're all still alive...

So I started the first day with out a wink of sleep - and I really mean with out a wink. ARGH - but the day went well, only one major breakdown in the afternoon...and then one at night -

Today we worked on Boundaries…

Danelia pushed, but I pushed back... She wasn’t happy – But I’m sure I’m more stubborn than she is.

She Grabbed a toy from Eric, wouldn’t talk to me – ran away, screamed at me… Told me that She didn't want to do anythign, that she didn't like me - and that She didn't have to do anythign I said... and then yelled at Eric. So after I caught up to her, which surprised her, she had a fit – which I get, cause she’s 4. We had a talk, she screamed – we talked longer… she had a time out. And had to apologize to her brother – that was probably the worst for her.

Sigh I love boundary day.

Now that we have ascertained that

- I am the faster Runner

- I don't yell at the children, but I can be the louder talker, and since I don't yell at them, they will NOT yell at me

- I am the adult, and I'm "the boss" of Danelia and Eric - not Danelia... and not Eric... ME

- That having a husband is a big help. I know it's only been one completed day - but I have a huge appreciation of how hard it could be for a single mother...

- Eric has called me... 'on nie' - which i think is Auntie...

- if Eric grabs my hand to lead me somewhere - I tell him to ask me, by saying, Come Please... (please he's got it's the other we're working at)... and ONCE, just once he actually said it... 'Ome Plez'

So that was yesterday, day one... Day Two is currently happening - only one, 1 min Time out, and no fights... so I'm praying that the rest of the week will go well... or at least the day

As for me and sleeping - I haven't' really gotten there yet - when I lay down my chest gets too heavy - I can't breathe.. and when I prop up my sore shoulder goes numb and tingles....
Sigh - at least I'm a king bed and I'm not pummeled in my sleep...

I guess the lack of sleep just makes the experience more authentic.

Today I have 4 Children...

Today I have four Children, none of them mine.

David and I are watching our niece and nephew, Danelia and Eric. That's Davids brother (James)'s kids if you didn't know.... As well as Berinda's (David's Brother's wife) little sisters.

For a week we have a 2 year old, 4 year old, and two pre-teens... it's going to be interesting - and I'm going to blog about it - each day...

last night we didn't sleep much, mostly cause we could sleep - David had to be up at 3 to drive all the grown ups - Berinda's Mom and Dad, and James and Berinda - to the airport... so I was awake all night worrying that he wouldn't wake up...

That's the story thus far... We'll see how things go today. I'm so excited.. I loves kids!!

It's a New Dawn, a New Day... a New Year, a New decade

Every year i say I won't do resolutions, but every year I talk about the things I want to work on... so mostly I just don't want to say I'm making resolutions, but I always do...

This year I'd like to work on the following....

-1-I want to get healthier. I'm currently working on finding some extra money in our budget to get me a Gym membership. My dear friend Robin and I would love to go together... so I just have to find 60$/month.

-2- Getting organized... I'm so close to this - I feel like just a few more rooms, just a few more things out of my house - a few more pieces of furniture (for storage).

-3- to finish a few more rooms, I really hope that we can get the Master bedroom, and the closets/ half bathroom finished by 2011...

-4- I'd like to read more, maybe start a book club, something... but I think I need to take the time and just sit down and crawl into a book.

-5- and Of course... Blog more. Actually, if I could just write anything... that would be nice...

Christmas at the Mcguire's

This has been one of my favorite Christmases. Mostly because there wasn't a lot of running around. We saw (for a short moment) the Skafte side - but have spent most of the time - just being with the McGuire side. Next year it'll be the Skafte side - I feel such peace with not having a run around... so nice to just be one place or the other.

I do miss seeing the Skaftes, just like next year I'll miss the McGuires.

I would have to say one of the best things, next to being with David for this holiday season, was that Sean came with us. It was a surprise, and we had to squeeze him in to the car - which is a whole other story. He;s back, and he's more like himself. So I guess if he had to go through what he did to realsize that He's better off being Himself, and growing into himself... then I guess that's what he had to go through - But he's Sean and it was so good to see him, be around him again. He wasn't snide, huffy, and mean... Sigh. I Love him.

Merry Christmas!

Fasting (in my case... slowing.... ahah)

Fasting has got to be one of the easiest things to understand (the basics) and one of the Hardest to actually do... Fasting is simply giving up something... usually food, sometimes food and water. You can have a Daniel Fast, where you give up certain foods... meats being the most common. I've done fasts before - but I think I have gotten out of the habit, out of the frame of mind.

I find that there are a lot of motivations... but I'm not sure which one I'm running from. I find it so hard to get into the right place, to find the right reason, and of course actually get my butt off the couch and actually do something about it. I can't get myself to do something I know I should be doing. I don't feel alone in this either (since I think most people don't do things they know they should) (but this is not that post and will be another blog moment in the future).

I think I'd like to get closer to God... get more in depth with my relationship.. I think I felt that I was in a great place in my Walk. I was feeling... and thinking... and doing... out of Love for my Lord, but then I got a little complacent. I didn't think I had to work at it. I won't say that I thought I was 'perfected' but life was going well.

Then.. out of nowhere - bam - I'm not reading the bible, my prayer life sorta got to be those 5 line quips before bed or a meal... and I didn't notice... But then, I woke up one morning and missed the intimacy with God. I missed the connection. For those who don't have a personal relationship with Jesus - I'm not sure if you can get that last part... but let me tell you, it was not so great, and I missed it like I would miss breathing. So I got back to the things that help build that intimacy... But I wanted more.

So in the last few weeks I've gotten back in the Word, back to the basics of my walking and talking... but I crave more... more intimacy, to be reminded of my own humanity, my insufficiency. I want to see how God is all sufficient. I wanted to rely on God to provide. for him to speak clearer, (really I need to listen better, He's usually pretty clear {aha}) I guess I feel like I need to be a little more like Christ. I believe that Fasting can help with that. I want to humble myself.. I think that's in the bible somewhere... Ps 35:15.

There are more than a few examples of fasting in the bible, there are some great books about fasting, both as a spiritual discipline and as weight management tool. So there is my very problem. I don't want this to be about the physical benefits - and I think it could change into that.

I don't want to pretend. I know that I'm OK with the physical side effects of weight loss, but I don't want that to become my only motivation for attempting this discipline again. I want the spiritual to be my priority - and yet I'm scared I'll flip flop and it won't be about God and my relationship with him.

So do I start and just hope I stay focused? I was doing some research and found a few hints, and hopefully I'll be able to start a regular practice of Fasting...

Keeping up with my weight...

So I know that I was supposed to update on Tuesday - but I forgot to update - for the last couple of weeks.

Well it's not going so well. turns out that 400 Cal isn't a whole lot - and instead of being consistent throughout the day... so instead I'll have too many, then the next day skip a meal... WHICH is bad... not consistent at all...

So I'll try harder this week, but I think I'll just try harder at eating better. The worst is that it's Christmas, and I'm making cookies and decorating cookies, and as we all know, a Christmas tradition is the baker gets to eat all the mis-shapen or badly decorated cookies. Also the baker gets to consume any left over cookie dough, broken bits, and the left over icing... ahem, ahem.

I was also thinking that maybe I'll try fasting - not as a weight management strategy but as a spiritual discipline... I'm just worried that it will throw off my eating habits - and I'll just gorge the next day - to the day before trying to 'compensate'... I'll blog about the fasting thing another day...

Blessings

I can't even begin to explain how blessed David and I are... We are so thankful that God is proving himself as our Provider everyday. There hasn't been a day this week where God hasn't made himself known to us - in practical way...

We have been blessed - I'm so thankful... sigh....