wanting more...

I'm a new mom, an old soul, a wife, daughter, sister and friend...
I'm smart, and funny, silly at times...

I am capable of a lot, and I feel like I could do a lot... I use the words 'a lot' because they are so ambiguous.

I used to paint, and write poetry... it's been almost a year since my hand has held a pen or paint bush...

I realize that I want to de clutter to clean out and tidy up my home... to prepare myself for the next one, look forward to the next Home we make.

I feel a little trapped, a little less useful, a little more in pain, and a little forgotten... and it didn't bother me until today.

I often sit and think of the places I'd like to go, pictures I'd like to take, people I'd like to meet, and food I'd love to taste....

My body is restless ... ... ... to move, to create, to carry, to rest...

I have no projects, no plans, to busy myself I've written and rewritten six different budget plans for our house, and I know, like the last six, these won't be followed... they won't even be heard...

I long for a day when we sit and talk, dream big and move forward... I'm not in a state of discontent, I'm in a stated of stagnation...

April 4th, and I'm alive...

Today is a day if VICTORY!

In the last three (because it's just the morning of the 4th) I have made a birthday cake for my Father's surprise 55th birthday party, decorated said cake (it was funny, one foot in the grave and what not) and then served it while Emceeing the party for 55 of his best-est friends and family.

It was a lovely time and I did not indulge in the dessert - not even to lick the ice cream scoop clean after :D It was Easier than I thought... once I decided to just not have anything surgary -i didnt. well once I licked my fingers while icing the cake, but it was a mindless moment of weakness. so mindless someone else had to remind me that I was doing it.

Yesterday on my way home from the valley, we stopped at Subway for a quick bit before an event at church... while there David and I decided ( or rather I convinced David) to share a combo, so we go cookies and Pop... it wasn't until after ordering, paying and on our way out of the door, that we realized I couldn't have any of the extras...

it was kinda mind boggling how easy sugar just gets in my diet... oh dear - I didn't enjoy the cookies... or drink the pop... hopefully this week I won't buy things to eat I can't eat.